It's not fair.
I really hate being so hormonal. I know it's from just giving birth, topped with a hundred other emotions tossed into one huge bundle, but really it gets so tiresome to be so moody and down all the time.
I truly want to be happy with my life again, with all aspects of it. I want to live a normal life like normal people, not this stupid.. half assed existance that I've been pulling off for so long.
I want to be able to go on this vacation with my sister and be happy about it, not sad. She's pregnant... carrying a baby for P & R and I can't find happiness in it for the life of me. I talk to them about it.. and hear about things that are new with the baby and it makes me so sad and so... jealous... and that itself hurts me, too. I want to be able to be happy with her and enjoy it with her, I don't want to hurt over her pregnancy when it's so joyous to everyone else.
I hate hormones and how they take over our bodies.
I think of the flight... and it makes me jealous of Rick and Jo. I think of how much I want to be the one to take such a brand new, beautiful baby on an airplane to meet people who have been waiting so anxiously for his arrival.
I don't get any of these things, I just get these stupid fucked up hormones instead. It's not fair.
flyinwowings wrote on 2004-03-01 at 10:09 p.m.
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