Don't be a surrogate.. please.
Answer me one fucking question.
How can any human being conceive a child just to give it away? Why didn't someone talk me out of entering this downward spiral? Yeah, so I thought it was a fancy, great idea, but boy was I stupid. It was the worst mistake I ever made in my whole life.
Read around.. where surrogates post and you will read people swear up and down that they don't fall in love with their surrobabies. Either these people are seriously fucked up or they're liars.
When I first considered surrogacy, I looked up to these women who could give so much of themselves for someone else. They were part of this unimaginative fairytale world that I would have died to be a part of. These were women who were so giving and loving.. people appreciated them.. and people liked them... and people looked up to them.
What a revelation.. to be one of these women and be so ashamed of what I've turned my life into. The longer I hang around these women, the more ashamed of myself I get. Trouble is, now I don't fit in anywhere else. Nobody understands what I've been through. Instead, people like me.. and respect me for what I've done. Oh, if they only knew.
A few years ago, if you were to tell me that I would be embarassed to admit to being a surrogate, I wouldn't have believed you. A few years ago, I would have imagined myself being so proud, maybe even wearing a shirt to announce what I'd done. I would have felt like I were up on this pedestal and nothing could put me down.
A few years ago, I never would have associated a human life in the whole situation, much less true feelings. I would have focused on the act itself and not everything else involved.
A few years ago, I never would have imagined the pain I would put my mother through. I would never have imagined that I would give her a reason to cry.. every day.. for the rest of her life.
A few years ago, I never would have imagined that my kids would truly understand that they lost a brother. I thought if we didn't bring it up very often, they wouldn't grasp it. My kids are smarter than I thought they were.
A few years ago, I never would have imagined the relationship I could build with my sister. I never imagined we would come together so close over such a great loss. I truly learned the meaning of sisterhood.
Doing the surrogacy brought me great gifts, too. It brought me the bond with my sister. It brought me friends.. friends for life, in my IPs. It brought me the opportunity to carry such a beautiful human being under my heart for 8 and a half months. It brought me the chance to look at his photos and have such great, fond memories. It brought me love.. more love than I could ever explain.
I wont do it again. I wont give birth to my heart and watch it walk off, going a thousand miles away.
Don't be a surrogate.. please.
flyinwowings wrote on 2004-04-06 at 7:00 p.m.
Miss Any?
August 22, 2004 - 2004-08-22
Bitter - 2004-05-19
Never - 2004-05-09
Happy Easter, everyone. - 2004-04-10
I prolly do! - 2004-04-07